Is there any help for my child?
Speak to your child’s teacher, social worker, or investigating police officer as they may be able to provide details of support services that can help your child. Some support such as children’s mental health services will often need a referral from your GP, and there may be a waiting list. Victim support may be able to help in some cases or by doing an online search for therapeutic services in your area may identify a local support organisation.
The Marie Collins Foundation has a free resource for professionals to use with a child, and although it is not designed as a replacement to other services it may assist a professional in undertaking some direct work with your child.
What if you have some more details relating to the incident?
If you or your child remember something that is linked to the investigation, then the police will want to know about it. Even if it seems minor to you it may be helpful, so pass it on as soon as possible.
What about talking to siblings?
Letting other people know about what has happened can be difficult. Speak to your child about their feelings about their siblings knowing. They may have strong objections against it or only want them to know certain aspects of what happened. Most families will pick up something is going on, so it can be helpful if your child is happy for some of what has happened to be shared with their siblings (through an age-appropriate conversation). If you are going to tell them, they probably don’t need to know every detail. They may also need support, which again can be sought through school or children social care.
Do I let my child have their device back or go online?
This is your choice as a parent. Our experience is that children often feel blamed that their device has been taken off them due to someone else’s actions. It depends very much on the age and circumstances of your child. If they are completely cut off from their friends, this will add to their feeling of being punished. Sometimes children will ask to log in to social media on their friend’s device to get round any restrictions you have put on them. Some parents find putting some rules in place helps reassure them a little, such as not taking devices into certain rooms (bathrooms, etc). For some parents agreeing that their child will not be able to go on certain platforms or by creating a new profile reduces their anxiety with their child going back online. Above all, have the conversation. Practical advice can be found at Internet Matters on setting up safety measures, as well as advice on online harms for parents from CEOP.
My child keeps getting into trouble, what do I do?
Parents often tell us that their child is getting into trouble at school or that there is a marked difference in their behaviour. This is often not the child misbehaving but demonstrating that they are responding to trauma, as discussed earlier. Talk to your child about the trauma response to help them understand if they are reminded of the abuse either by a smell, sound, phrase, or a comment by someone else their brain will respond to protect them. It may be that the professional does not understand how trauma impacts on a child so direct them to the information in the section headed “How can I help my child’ as this will be helpful to them.
My child is due to take their exams and is worried this will have an impact on their results.
Schools and colleges are used to providing additional support to students, particularly around exams. Speak to your child’s school and explain that your child has been a victim of a serious crime and there is a live police investigation. You can also ask the school/college to apply for a ‘Special consideration’ for any pre and post-exam adjustments. It may be that they need additional time and support to undertake the exam itself. Adjustments may also be made to the mark or grade of a student who might not have been able to demonstrate their ability in an assessment due to exceptional circumstances that could have had an impact on their performance. There is a time restraint on applying for this after the exam, so it is important to check with the exam board when the cut off time is.
I am worried about their future.
Your child will have received a letter from someone who has also experienced what has happened to them. We know that a significant portion of the population have been sexually abused and have gone on to lead a fulfilling lives. This is not to minimise the harm and as one of our lived experience group expressed "some days you feel a victim, some days a survivor, and some days a combination, but a lot of the time you are you". This is one part of your child’s life and although incredibly painful for you all, it is important to focus on their successes and the other things that make them, them.
Your support will be a significant layer of security for them and there may be times early on when they may want to discuss triggers or incidents linked to this.
Where are the images of my child now?
When an image has been shared online, we can never be sure where they are. But there are steps we can take to try and find and block them.
The police will upload images into a child abuse image database and these images will be given a specific ‘hash’ (a code made up of numbers) that enables organisations to search the internet for the same hash. Any found get blocked and steps are taken to get it removed from the internet. There is a similar option called Report Remove that enables a child who may have a copy of their intimate image to get it coded and add it to the searches that are made.
Only the specialist police see the image as part of the investigation. There is no reason for anyone else to see. Often children do not know who has seen their images and feel reassured by this information.
Some images may have been created using Artificial Intelligence (AI) which is still illegal in the UK. If you are aware that anyone, regardless of age, has a copy, fake or real intimate image of your child, that should be reported to the police.
What if this has triggered memories from something that happened to you as a child?
Memories of personal experiences from your childhood can resurface. It is important that you look after yourself and support is available to you too. The National Association of People Abused in Childhood. If you feel you wish to report to the police something that happened to you as a child, the investigating officer can advise you on what to do, or you can ring 101 if you are not in immediate harm.
What if you are not happy with the response from a professional?
Everyone has the right to be treated with respect and dignity. Sometimes agencies fall short of this, and this is when poor practice needs to be addressed. The first step is to speak directly with the individual in question. It is always helpful if a record of any discussion that has taken place or a clear outline of your complaint is emailed to the individual so you can refer back to this later if needed. For statutory agencies such as the police, schools or children social care there will be a clear complaints procedure available on their website. In addition to complaining directly with the organisation, wider bodies such as Ofsted can also receive complaints.